(photos by Kelly
Green!)THE TRAGICAL HISTORIE OF GUIDOLON,
THE GIANT SPACE CHICKEN
by Frank Wu
CLICK HERE FOR THE OFFICIAL GUIDOLON WEBSITE!
Check out: Dramatic Reading at Loscon; character sketches; storyboards; backgrounds; images of Lyta; test animations and...
CLICK HERE FOR THE FINISHED ANIMATION!
At Loscon, the Los Angeles science fiction convention over Thanksgiving, 2005, Jim Terman, Chris Garcia and Diana Sherman helped me perform a dramatic reading of "The Tragical Historie of Guidolon, the Giant Space Chicken." This screenplay, written by yours truly, had been published in the book Daikaiju! Giant Monster Tales, edited by Robert Hood and Robin Pen, from Agog! Press in Australia.
(photos by Kelly
Green!)
With: Jim Terman as our Humble Narrator, me as a bunch of characters, Chris Garcia as Guidolon the Giant Space Chicken and Captain Takao, and Diana Sherman as The Girl(s): Guidolon's girlfriend, Trisuron the Giant Space Triceratops, and Captain Takao's girlfriend, Lt. Commander Lyta White.
Guidolon (art by Todd Tennant) and Trisuron
Guidolon's pals Jerora the giant space jellyfish and Octuron the giant space octopus (art by Todd Tennant)
Guidolon is a giant space chicken making a giant space chicken movie. Shakespearean actor Takashi degrades himself by playing Guidolon's idealized vision of himself. In a giant chicken suit.
Takashi in his Guidolon suit rises from the Sea of Japan and is attacked by jet planes! Ka-pow! Boom!
Guidolon (directing the movie): A giant space monster film is like unto a Shakespearean tragedy!
Takashi: No, it's not.
Jerora: Guido, you are a giant flightless bird with delusions of grandeur! You're nothing but a giant space chicken!
Guidolon: I am not a giant space chicken! I am the Cosmic Avian Avenger!
The fount of Guidolon's inadequacies: Eiji Tsuburaya - Godzilla's special effects man, for monsterkind like unto God the Creator - has emptied his bag of tricks. Other blobs were transformed into giant fire-breathing dinosaurs or giant alligators, but all the good monster ideas are taken. Only one thing is left, and Guidolon is born as a giant space chicken. How sad.
Guidolon: My movie's going to heck in a hand-basket. My dad never gave me the skill set I needed to make it as a giant space monster.
Trisuron: Guido, honey, I can help you take your mind off your problems. Let's re-enact the first Godzilla movie. You be Godzilla, and I'll be Tokyo.
Guidolon and his friends have personality conflicts trying to make this movie.
Guidolon: The giant space chicken wants to conquer the world to make it safe and free for all beings, including chickens, giant or otherwise.
Other characters: You really are an idiot, aren't you?
The struggle to make the movie continues. Now we get to the exciting space battle scenes!
Narrator: Spaceship XK-Omega-9 has more wings, winglets, fins and vertical stabilizers than strictly necessary.
Guidolon's flying saucer attacks the spaceship! But the ship's lasers and missiles don't work against the flying saucer... or against the giant space chicken!
Lyta (the only smart human): The giant space chicken is made out of Guidolonium oxide! Guidolonium oxide is the densest molecule in the galaxy, so the monster sheds explosions off his body, like Turtle wax sheds water off a car!
Guidolon sacrifices his flying saucer so he can hitch a ride on the human's spaceship as it goes back to Earth! He has found a new world to conquer - the late great planet Earth!
Lyta saves the day. But...
In order to escape from the exploding wreckage of the spaceship, Lyta needs help from... the monsters dressed up as midget Mexican wrestlers. It's a Deus ex Mexicana!
After (falsely) believing they've vanquished the giant monster:
Captain Takao: I'm done fighting giant space monsters.
Lyta: What will you do now?
Captain Takao: My family has some rose gardens. Growing roses makes you feel really planted, settled. You like roses?
Lyta: Sir, I love roses!
Trisuron (the only smart monster): You have to admit your faults, to get inner peace and healing.
Guidolon: Yeah, I know. I suck at making movies, don't I?
Trisuron: Yeah, but I don't care. I love you anyway.
Guidolon: Aw... I love you, too.
The head of the studio - No. 1 - pronounces Guidolon's movie stupid and unworthy to be released: "A parade of idiocy, an encyclopedia of ineptitude, irredeemable, boarish, malformed drivel." The monsters don't take the insult lying down, so they fight it out.
The fight continues!
Our heroes triumph! Love reigns supreme! Hurrah!
Guidolon and Trisuron are together, happy, at the end!
The audience erupts in applause! Thank you, everyone! We love you all!
AS IF! magazine posted Tansy Rayner Roberts's review of Daikaiju! (the book that contains my screenplay). In the review:
'I can only hope that someone has sent a copy of Daikaiju to Hayao Miyazaki, because I want to see “The Tragical History of Guidolon, the Giant Space Chicken” by Frank Wu made into an anime film. Truly. This script is the anime film of which all other anime films are but a mere shadow. It has to be made. Moral imperative. Of course, it could be made with stop motion... okay, better send a copy to Nick Park too. But read it first. Very funny. Very strange.'
The Internet Review of Science Fiction (IROSF) had a wowzer of a review by Ross Hamilton:
"My favorite piece without doubt was "The Tragical History of Guidolon, the Giant Space Chicken". Frank Wu, in his first piece of published fiction, has written a deliciously funny and satirical script featuring the craziest collection of daikaiju creatures imaginable. Daikaiju characters that are attempting to make their own daikaiju film—could this be the ultimate irony? I look forward to seeing more fiction work from Frank Wu in the future. But does Guidolon get the film made? That would be letting the large, horribly mutated cat out of the bag."
Check out: Dramatic Reading at Loscon; character sketches; storyboards; backgrounds; images of Lyta; test animations!
CLICK HERE FOR THE OFFICIAL GUIDOLON WEBSITE!
CLICK HERE FOR THE FINISHED ANIMATION!